Coming Out - Preamble

Well ... i've tried to postpone this as far as possible. my brother is not married and i was hoping to do this after he got married. but it looks like thats not happening any time soon. its crunch time. now i'm at the edge of a cliff and no where to go. need to go thru the storm. lord help me. need all the prayers i can muster. if you are reading this please pray for me and my mother. i love her dearly and don't wan't to hurt her. but no choice. it has to be done. have no idea how she will take it. she is so depressed as it is. sister is divorced and brother not married and i'm gay. for her couldn't be anything worse. she is depressed. when i came from overseas i saw her face. some happiness to see me. masking depression.

i'll try to make it easier for her. let my sister know that i'm about to come out and also let my teacher know. will ask my teacher to provide support. truth is i want someone to convince me not to tell her. i dont wan't to tell her but its gone on for long enough. between my sister and teacher she should have some support.

i'll tell her that i'm not sexually attracted to girls, rather than saying i'm attracted to men. that should buffer the impact somewhat. i'll tell her that its not fair to the girl to marry her. if she is still not convinced somewhat then i'll tell her would she want it on her daughter or granddaughter. will apologise for her being in this situation. but will let her know that i'm alright. will talk about joining an ashram. she could see it as something noble. will use a stoop to conquer approach. try to get her to come to the conclusion that marriage is not a good idea. it gives me goosebumps writing this. don't know how she will react. will convince her that marriage is not a good option. that she will be around for another 20 years max. i have to make decisions thats right for me.

any suggestions welcome
dear god i hope she understands